Avoiding the “therapist” trap: Stop solving everyone’s problems as a Tech Lead
The one trap that’s draining your energy as a leader - and how to escape
Intro
One of the most common traps Tech Leads fall into is trying to solve everyone’s problems. Many get into leadership roles because they genuinely want to help others, but this can quickly turn into taking on too much responsibility. What starts with, "How can I help?" often turns into, "Don't worry, I'll do it for you."
It’s not your job as a tech lead, to solve everyone’s problems!
It’s okay to feel overwhelmed or not agree with someone's issue. And it's absolutely okay to say, "I can't deal with this today, can it wait until tomorrow?" Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for both your well-being and for enabling team independence.
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… now back to today’s article.
The cost of over-involvement
As a Tech Lead, it’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to solve every problem for your team. While the intention might come from a good place, the cost of stepping in too much can be higher than you expect.
I learned this the hard way.
Early in my career, a team member shared his frustration about navigating paperwork as he adjusted to a new city. Without hesitation, I jumped in to help. I researched the process, prepared documents, even skipped Standups to accompany him to appointments.
It didn’t go as planned. We hit roadblocks, and he became increasingly frustrated with me because I hadn’t solved it as promised. Meanwhile, I was overwhelmed, my work was suffering, and I felt unappreciated for my efforts. A colleague finally asked me, “Why are you trying to fix this? It’s not your problem.”
That was my wake-up call. I stepped back, pointed him to someone better suited to help, and let him take over the process. But the damage was done - our professional relationship had soured, and both of us were left feeling frustrated ☹️.
Why this trap hurts you and your team
The pitfalls of over-involvement are hard to ignore.
Burnout is inevitable if you’re constantly stepping in to handle everything (been there, done that). You’ll exhaust yourself trying to manage tasks the team should own. Frustration builds quickly too together with resentment towards the team for not stepping up, stakeholders for endless demands, and yourself for not setting boundaries.
And then there’s the blame. If you’re always the fixer, you become the first to blame when things go wrong. Instead of encouraging shared accountability, you’ve positioned yourself as the only point of failure.
How to avoid the “therapist” trap
🚧 1. Set boundaries
Before diving into any problem, ask yourself:
Is this my problem to solve?
What happens if I say no?
How can I guide them without taking over?
Sometimes, it’s enough to listen and say, “I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.”
Other times, point them to someone better equipped to help.
🔍 2. Keep yourself in check
Reflection is key. Ask yourself:
Are certain people or tasks draining more energy than they should?
Am I stepping in when I should encourage ownership instead?
Talking with a mentor or coach can help you see where you’re overextending.
🛠️ 3. Shift how you support
Helping doesn’t mean solving. Instead of taking on the task yourself, guide your team to handle it. For example:
If someone says, “I can’t deal with this task,” encourage them to brainstorm a solution, and offer guidance if needed.
For interpersonal conflicts, try, “I understand this is frustrating, but I expect you to work it out together. Let me know how I can support your conversation.” before jumping in.
Jumping in too quickly not only drains your energy but also robs others of the opportunity to grow.
Conclusion
You’re part of a team, not a solo problem-solver. Set clear boundaries, let others own their responsibilities, and focus on guiding rather than fixing everything yourself. This empowers your team, prevents burnout, and keeps you from being overwhelmed.
Until next time,