1-on-1s aren’t just for your team.

They’re for you, too.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve seen Tech Leads treat 1-1s as a chore. Something they have to do, just to keep their team happy.

That’s usually because they’re not using them right. Because if you do, you quickly see how they actually make your life easier:

→ They give you a window into what’s really going on - the frustrations and blockers that never surface in a team meeting.

I remember one case where a team member quietly admitted in a 1-1 that he didn’t fully understand the solution we agreed on as a team - something he did not feel comfortable sharing with the whole team. So, in our next 1-1, we walked through every question he had until it made sense. That saved us from future misalignments and wasted time assuming everyone was on the same page.

→ The questions people ask you are like signposts. They show you exactly where to focus your energy as a leader. A team member asking “How am I doing in this area?” reveals where they want your feedback and guidance. “What’s happening with X?” highlights gaps in communication or opportunities to involve them more. Instead of guessing what people need, you get a clear signal.

→ They’re also the easiest place to find delegation opportunities. Want to get things off your plate? Share what you’re working on and see what triggers interest: “Would you be interested in taking over this initiative?” You’ll be surprised how often someone is eager to step up.

→ And then there’s the relationship side. Showing up every week for a 1-1 sends a clear signal: I value you. I care about your input. I want to help you grow. It’s the fastest way to build two-way trust. That trust always pays you back. When tough times come - deadlines, setbacks, pressure from above - you’ll be able to rely on people. Because they know they can rely on you.

→ They’re also a great space to help team members grow through mentoring and coaching. Whether it’s walking someone through a tricky decision, helping them think about their next role, or challenging them with stretch opportunities - when your team grows, your job gets easier.

• The developer you coached on running a meeting? Next time, they take it off your plate.

• The engineer you nudged toward strategic thinking? They’ll start spotting risks before you even ask.

Every hour you invest in mentoring during 1-1s pays you back later - in time saved, problems prevented, and teammates who step up instead of waiting for you to solve everything.

So yes, 1-1s take time.

But they save you ten times more in surprises, misalignments, and unnecessary drama.

Think of them as your leadership cheat code 😉

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This article is Part 1 of The 1-1 Playbook for Tech Leads, a series I’m writing to help you run better 1-on-1s with your team.

If there is any specific topic you would like me to address, just ping me.

Next up: How to set up your 1-1s for success.

Subscribe now

Until next time,

Anemari

This week, I got a subscriber question that hit hard.

It’s one of those situations you wish didn’t happen in tech anymore… but still does. Often :(

The question

I am so 😡😠🤬 when I hear stories like this 

Every new paid subscriber to my newsletter gets to ask me a question that I personally reply to.

This is the one I got this week.

I am like why???

Why do you keep doing this?

You have a need for a tech lead in the team

You have a perfectly capable tech lead ready to step in the role:

→ That has been with the team for a while

→ That people look up to

→ That people come to for direction

→ That stakeholders reach out to for information and alignment 

→ That was actually been doing the role (unofficially 🙄) while the current tech lead was out (without anyone asking her to)

And you just tell her: “not good enough” 😡😠🤬

Come on!!

My answer to her

First off, I’m really sorry to hear how challenging this has been.

Unfortunately, your story is not uncommon - but that doesn’t make it any less frustrating, and I completely understand how disheartening it can feel.

Honestly, it sounds like you’ve already been doing the tech lead role - just without the official title. And that’s the hardest way in.

The fact that your colleagues are coming to you, including you in higher-level conversations, and seeing you as a leader speaks volumes. That’s something you can absolutely leverage when speaking with your new manager.

Now, to your question:

Should you push for the role with your new boss?

Yes. Push.

You want it, go for it!

This change in management can be a huge opportunity. Your new boss doesn’t carry the previous baggage - start fresh.

Tell them your goal clearly.

Explain why you want the role and why you believe you’re ready.

Share what you’ve already been doing in the absence of the current tech lead, and how the team responded.

Then, propose a concrete growth plan with

• a clear timeline

• actionable steps

• and measurable progress.

Get alignment with your new manager and use it as a shared roadmap.

This chapter in my O’Reilly book “Leveling up as a Tech Lead” tells you exactly how to do it:

Leveling up as a Tech Lead

And if the feedback is: “You’re not technical enough”?

Don’t just accept it. Push for specifics.

What exactly is missing?

What specific technical expectations do they have?

You deserve actionable feedback - not vague impressions. Without that, it’s impossible to grow in a focused way.

I’ve seen too many people held back based on feelings rather than facts.

If your new manager can’t point to concrete gaps or examples, that’s a red flag - and unfortunately, may indicate you’re in a waiting game that’s not in your control.

But if that’s the case, at least you’ll know - and can make more empowered decisions about your next steps.

You’ve already been leading.

Now it’s time to claim it 😉

Until next time,

Anemari

I’ve heard of tech leads stepping out of the role because of how much people management it involves. But I’ve never heard a tech lead say: “Wow, being a tech lead is way more technical than I expected”.

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… now back to today’s article.

As a tech lead, your success depends on the success of your team and the perceived effect by your stakeholders. Basically, your success depends on the people around you.

That means you need to know how to deal with them: communicate clearly, collaborate efficiently, give meaningful feedback, navigate conflict, and get people aligned. You can read more on why soft skills matter as a tech lead in these articles:

Actually, in my experience, the most technically skilled tech leads struggle the most with the transition into the role. The reason is simple: you get better at what you focus on. They got so good at tech because they focused on tech. But leadership is a whole different game. It requires stepping out of your comfort zone and shifting your focus from tech to people.

That’s not easy. But not impossible.

In this article, I’ll walk you through the exact process I’ve used with hundreds of engineers to build soft skills in a structured, intentional, and measurable way:

Step 1: Start. Anywhere

You don’t need a perfect starting point - just a real one. Look around your team or your current leadership challenges and pick one thing that’s not working as well as you'd like. Maybe your 1-1s feel surface-level. Maybe you're struggling to give constructive feedback. Maybe you're often misunderstood in meetings.

Pick one problem. Then define a small win. For example:

• "I want to become better at giving feedback" → "This week, I’ll give one piece of constructive feedback to a team member"

• "I want to improve meeting facilitation" → "In the next planning session, I’ll summarize the team's points and propose a way forward."

Define what success looks like

Start with the why. You might think the WHY is obvious, but coaching over 500 techies, I can tell you that it’s not as straightforward as you’d expect. We all have different motivations. And your motivation - the why behind your goal - will influence how you define success.

Let’s say your goal is: “I want to become better at giving feedback”

Now ask yourself: WHY?

• Is it because your manager told you to?

• Is it because people don’t seem to take your feedback seriously?

• Is it because you’ve noticed things you want to bring up but don’t know how?

• Is it because giving feedback is part of your job expectations?

Each of these whys leads to a different definition of success:

• If your manager told you → Success might mean getting a “meets expectations” rating on feedback in your next review.

• If people don’t take you seriously → Success could be having someone act on your feedback or ask follow-up questions.

• If you want to speak up more → Success might be delivering one clear, constructive piece of feedback to a teammate next week.

• If it's part of your role → Success could be getting input from your team about how they perceive your feedback skills.

As you can see, your why determines what progress looks like - and that clarity will guide your next step: taking action.

Step 2: Apply one change

Try something new. If you usually avoid speaking in meetings, maybe your one change is preparing a point ahead of time and saying it early. If you struggle with giving feedback, you might try using a framework like SBI and drafting your message in advance.

Don’t feel like you need to invent a strategy from scratch. Pull ideas from your network, a book, an article, a mentor, or even a podcast. The point is to not just reflect but to experiment. Test something, anything, that’s different from what you usually do. You’re not committing to it forever. You’re just running a small experiment to see what works.

Doing something new - especially if it feels awkward or outside your comfort zone - is the fastest way to learn. The key is to apply it in a real, everyday situation.

Step 3: Reflect

What worked? What didn’t?

This is a key step that often gets skipped in the process of growth. People get caught up in the doing, rushing from one challenge to the next, often repeating the same patterns without realizing it. Reflection makes the growth process intentional. It’s how you avoid running in circles, repeating mistakes, and missing out on key insights. It helps you spot what worked and double down on it - amplifying growth far more effectively than only focusing on fixing what went wrong.

To actually understand what worked and what didn’t, self-reflection alone isn’t enough. You need external input. Soft skills are about human interaction, so the most accurate way to assess them is through feedback - how others experience the change. Any behavior shift will affect the people around you, and their perspective is the most valuable data you can get.

Ask for feedback consistently, especially after moments where soft skills are in play. For example, if you’re working on speaking up more in meetings and you shared an idea, follow up with a colleague: “How clear was I in that point I made earlier?” The best time to ask is right after the moment happens - when the experience is still fresh and the insight is sharp.

Step 4: Adapt

Integrate what worked into your habits. Let go of what didn’t.

Of course, this is easier said than done. To really incorporate a new behaviour takes effort. When we’re under stress, we tend to fall back on familiar habits - even if they’re not helpful. That’s why it requires intentional repetition, preparation ahead of time, and a steady commitment to making the new behavior stick.

Tracking your progress is what keeps the motivation alive. Noticing small wins along the way helps you see that you're moving forward. Mark every step - big or small. Even discovering what doesn’t work gives you direction. That insight alone is valuable because it tells you what to avoid and where to focus next. Reflection isn’t just about catching mistakes - it’s also how you identify what’s working so you can do more of it. In fact, doubling down on what works can have a bigger impact on your growth than focusing only on fixing what’s broken. And, as a plus, you’re also creating a list of accomplishments and learnings - helpful both when you’re feeling stuck and for future reference, like proving growth during performance reviews.

It’s easy to get caught in the loop of constant improvement without recognizing progress. If you only focus on what you haven’t mastered yet, you risk losing motivation. Instead, regularly recognize what is working. That’s what helps you stay energized and engaged, instead of burning out or giving up midway through the journey.

Repeat

The process of growth is continuous and never-ending. Once you go through all the steps - start, apply, reflect, adapt - repeat the cycle. Revisit the same situation with a new strategy, or tackle a new challenge altogether.

Common traps (and how to avoid them)

The steps of this process sound simple enough - start small, reflect, adapt - but in practice, most people struggle to follow them consistently. Even when they know what to do, it’s easy to fall into habits that derail growth. That’s because real behavior change is hard. It’s uncomfortable, messy, and often invisible day to day. These are the most common traps I see tech leads fall into when trying to grow their soft skills - and how to stay clear of them:

Trap 1: Setting goals that are too big or too many

You might feel tempted to fix everything at once: improve your communication, become a better decision-maker, start mentoring more, and give better feedback all at the same time. But when your goals are too big or too numerous, they become overwhelming. You either burn out trying to do everything or feel so paralyzed that you don’t start at all. Instead, pick one thing. Focus on a single, tangible outcome. For example, if your team doesn’t give you feedback, don’t aim for “Everyone gives me great feedback next month”. Instead, try “One team member gives me one piece of constructive feedback in the next two weeks.” If the issue is decision-making, don’t expect full alignment overnight. Aim for something like “We agree on the problem we’re solving” or “We move forward even if there isn’t full agreement, but we’ve talked about it openly.” Small wins build confidence and momentum. 

Trap 2: Applying too many strategies at once

When you’re trying to improve a skill, it’s easy to feel like more action equals more progress. You read a book, try advice from a course, implement feedback from a peer - all in one go. The problem is that, when something changes, you will have no idea what actually made the difference.

If your meetings are running more smoothly, was it the new format? The prep notes you shared? The shift in your facilitation style? Without isolating changes, there’s no way to tell what worked and what didn’t.

Focus on one strategy at a time. Give it enough space to observe the impact. Once you see what’s working, keep it, and then layer on the next experiment.

Trap 3: Skipping reflection

This is one of the easiest traps to fall into - especially when you’re busy or focused on delivering results. You try new approaches, but if you never pause to ask, “Did that actually work?”, you miss the chance to learn from your actions. Make reflection a habit. It can be something you do daily, weekly, or after key events - whatever cadence works best for you. Milestones are also a great opportunity to pause and evaluate: What worked? What didn’t? What should I change going forward?

Trap 4: No feedback loop

You can’t know if you’re improving a soft skill unless you ask. Unlike technical skills, the success of soft skills is visible in how others experience you. Are people more engaged in meetings? Are your 1:1s more productive? Are conflicts resolved more smoothly? These signals matter - but you have to seek them out. Make feedback a regular habit. Ask simple questions after relevant interactions: "Was that helpful?" "What could I do better next time?" You’ll learn faster and avoid guesswork.

Trap 5: No accountability 

Growth is hard to sustain on your own. We all like to think we’ll follow through - but without someone there to check in, it’s easy for other priorities to take over. Accountability changes that. Having someone - a peer, a mentor, a coach - who regularly checks in with you makes all the difference. They remind you of your goals, challenge your thinking, and help you stay focused when things get busy. I hear this from my clients all the time: “Honestly, I only did it because I knew our session was coming up and I wanted to talk to you about the results”. Sometimes, just knowing someone is paying attention is the push you need to keep going.

Soft Skills for Tech Leads - O’Reilly course

If you’re ready to strengthen your soft skills, my O’Reilly online course, Soft Skills for Tech Leads, dives deeper into these concepts and offers practical tools you can start using today.

Check it out

Conclusion

Soft skills aren’t something you either have or don’t. Just as tech skills, they can be learned through repetition, feedback, and practice. And the earlier you start, the more impact you’ll have as a leader. 

Start today. Pick one area. Try one new thing. Reflect. Adapt. Repeat.

That’s how you grow 😉

Until next time,

Anemari

Intro

Technical experts often struggle to lead. 

The reason is simple: you get better at what you focus on.

They became great at tech because they focused on it.

Developing leadership skills, however, requires stepping out of that comfort zone and shifting their focus to people. 

The transition is uncomfortable, and when the pressure rises, they tend to fall back on old habits:

They default to solving problems themselves. When a technical challenge appears, their instinct is to jump in and start coding rather than stepping back to empower the team to solve it. This limits the team’s growth and overburdens the leader.

They slip into talking technical instead of focusing on business outcomes. It’s the language they’re used to, and they expect people around them to “just get it.” They either share too little context or go too deep into technical details, leaving people lost and disconnected.

And, of course, they try to do everything themselves. Used to having full control and knowing every piece of the puzzle, they expect people to behave as predictably as code. Joke’s on them because people are not. Too many variables 😅

Breaking free from these habits isn’t easy, it takes deliberate effort and a willingness to grow beyond your technical comfort zone. Leadership is a different kind of problem to solve, one that requires new tools and new thinking.

The good news is that it’s entirely within your reach. To succeed as a leader, you must reframe how you think and work. It all starts with three key mindset shifts:

1. Individual → Team

The first shift, moving from an individual contributor mindset to a team focus, is the foundation of this transformation.

As an individual contributor, your success was tied to how fast and well you completed your own tasks. But as a tech lead, none of that matters if your team is struggling.

The shift means understanding that:

• The number of tasks you complete doesn’t matter if your team isn’t delivering at the same pace.  

• Finishing your tasks quickly doesn’t help if your team is slow to deliver. 

• Your self-assessment of doing a great job as a tech lead is meaningless if your team disagrees.  

• Personal results don’t count if your team isn’t achieving success.  

• How well you work on your own does not matter if you can’t collaborate with your team.  

• Talented team members alone aren’t enough if they can’t collaborate effectively.

Your success as a tech lead is no longer about you; it’s about the team. Your focus must shift to ensuring the whole team moves forward and succeeds together. If you can embrace that, you’ll unlock a whole new level of leadership.

2. Coding-centric thinking → Value-driven decisions

Equally important is letting go of the belief that your value lies in the code you write. It doesn’t.

As a tech lead, your job is to ensure your team delivers value, not just more code. Sometimes that means prioritizing what works over what’s cool or new. It means aligning strategies, clarifying assumptions, and gaining buy-in from your team before anyone touches a keyboard.

It also means revisiting how you think about meetings. Instead of dismissing them as a waste of time, challenge their purpose and help make them more effective. If done right, they can become powerful tools for alignment and decision-making, reducing confusion and increasing momentum.

3. Today → Long-term thinking

The third shift is perhaps the hardest: balancing today’s tasks with tomorrow’s outcomes.

The decisions you make today will affect your team tomorrow so you need to understand to balance immediate tasks with the long-term health of the project. Decisions made for short-term gains should not come at the expense of long-term maintainability or technical debt.

Empowering others becomes a core principle. Instead of defaulting to “I’ll handle this,” shift to “How can I enable someone else to take ownership of this task?” as the first approach it’s not scalable anymore. 

Conclusion

These mindset shifts aren’t easy, and they won’t happen overnight. They require one crucial step: letting go of control.

As an individual contributor, your tasks moved from To Do to Done with minimal interference. It was simple, clean, and predictable. But as a tech lead, you’re managing multiple team members’ progress and juggling problems that might not even be visible on the board. Trying to micromanage everything is a guaranteed ticket to burnout (been there, done that 😅). 

So learn to trust your team, step back when needed, and rely on your team members - because you can’t succeed without them. 😉

Until next time,

Anemari

One of the most common traps Tech Leads fall into is trying to solve everyone’s problems. Many get into leadership roles because they genuinely want to help others, but this can quickly turn into taking on too much responsibility. What starts with, "How can I help?" often turns into, "Don't worry, I'll do it for you."

It’s not your job as a tech lead, to solve everyone’s problems!

It’s okay to feel overwhelmed or not agree with someone's issue. And it's absolutely okay to say, "I can't deal with this today, can it wait until tomorrow?" Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for both your well-being and for enabling team independence.

I came across this AI tool that makes dev teams happier (and more productive) around the world 🙂

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… now back to today’s article.

The cost of over-involvement

As a Tech Lead, it’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to solve every problem for your team. While the intention might come from a good place, the cost of stepping in too much can be higher than you expect.

I learned this the hard way.

Early in my career, a team member shared his frustration about navigating paperwork as he adjusted to a new city. Without hesitation, I jumped in to help. I researched the process, prepared documents, even skipped Standups to accompany him to appointments.

It didn’t go as planned. We hit roadblocks, and he became increasingly frustrated with me because I hadn’t solved it as promised. Meanwhile, I was overwhelmed, my work was suffering, and I felt unappreciated for my efforts. A colleague finally asked me, “Why are you trying to fix this? It’s not your problem.”

That was my wake-up call.  I stepped back, pointed him to someone better suited to help, and let him take over the process. But the damage was done - our professional relationship had soured, and both of us were left feeling frustrated ☹️.

Why this trap hurts you and your team

The pitfalls of over-involvement are hard to ignore.

Burnout is inevitable if you’re constantly stepping in to handle everything (been there, done that). You’ll exhaust yourself trying to manage tasks the team should own. Frustration builds quickly too together with resentment towards the team for not stepping up, stakeholders for endless demands, and yourself for not setting boundaries.

And then there’s the blame. If you’re always the fixer, you become the first to blame when things go wrong. Instead of encouraging shared accountability, you’ve positioned yourself as the only point of failure. 

How to avoid the “therapist” trap

🚧 1. Set boundaries

Before diving into any problem, ask yourself:

• Is this my problem to solve?

• What happens if I say no?

• How can I guide them without taking over?

Sometimes, it’s enough to listen and say, “I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.”

Other times, point them to someone better equipped to help.

🔍 2. Keep yourself in check

Reflection is key. Ask yourself:

• Are certain people or tasks draining more energy than they should?

• Am I stepping in when I should encourage ownership instead?

Talking with a mentor or coach can help you see where you’re overextending.

🛠️ 3. Shift how you support

Helping doesn’t mean solving. Instead of taking on the task yourself, guide your team to handle it. For example:

• If someone says, “I can’t deal with this task,” encourage them to brainstorm a solution, and offer guidance if needed.

• For interpersonal conflicts, try, “I understand this is frustrating, but I expect you to work it out together. Let me know how I can support your conversation.” before jumping in.

Jumping in too quickly not only drains your energy but also robs others of the opportunity to grow.

Conclusion

You’re part of a team, not a solo problem-solver. Set clear boundaries, let others own their responsibilities, and focus on guiding rather than fixing everything yourself. This empowers your team, prevents burnout, and keeps you from being overwhelmed.

Until next time,

Anemari

There are three main pathways that can lead you into a tech lead role.

Today I am focusing on 3. Building and leading a brand-new team.

How you end up in this scenario

As your company grows, a new team is formed, and it needs a tech lead. Whether you’re asked to take on the role or you volunteer, you’re starting from scratch. Everything is new, for you and the team. This gives you a unique opportunity to shape the team's culture, processes, and technical direction right from the start.

The downside of this approach

Everything is new, and you don’t have someone daily in the team to guide your first steps. Leading a new team is a different challenge than leading an existing team as it requires different skills.

A new team has different needs, such as:

• A discovery period: the time it takes to understand what your team will build, why and how.

• A team definition period: the time it takes to shape the team’s culture and establish ways of working.

• A settling in period: the time it takes people to get to know each other and adjust to working together.

• A hiring period: Chances are, you’ll have to bring new people on board as needs evolve. The hiring period is the time it takes to balance team dynamics, evaluate skills, and actively shape how each hire fits into the team's long-term goals.

The benefits of this approach

Everything is new - not just for you, but for everyone involved. This gives you the opportunity to start fresh, define your role as a leader, improve on your previous experiences and bring people in the team that are aligned with the culture you want to create. Your team members are also likely to be more engaged and curious, eager to contribute and take initiative at this stage.

Subscribe now

Wrap up

This is just one of the three most common paths toward becoming a Tech Lead.

The other two are:

Note

This article was first published in my co-writer’s Gregor Ojstersek newsletter Engineering Leadership. We teamed up to bring this important topic to you, as we’ve both seen firsthand the value of soft skills in our tech leadership roles.

Intro

Over the past three years, I’ve trained over 200 Tech Leads on how to build high-performing teams. During this time, one misconception has stood out: many believe technical expertise is all they need to succeed in the role.

I thought so too, until I stepped into the role and realized that the biggest challenges weren’t technical but people-focused like managing time, resolving conflicts, and growing individuals.

Take the time I had to mediate a debate between two developers over which JSON library to use. What seemed like a technical argument was actually a symptom of a deeper personal conflict. Addressing the relationship rather than the technical decision not only resolved the problem but strengthened their ability to collaborate.

Or when our team wasn’t addressing tech debt despite the skills and support to do so. The root issue? A lack of ownership. Instead of stepping in to fix it myself, I supported a senior developer in taking the lead. This not only solved the problem but enabled long-term team growth.

These experiences have taught me one fundamental truth:

Most tech problems are people problems.

Solving them requires soft skills, not more technical expertise.

Today, I’m excited to team up with to share insights on this often-overlooked side of being a Tech Lead. In this article, we’ll explore three essential soft skills every Tech Lead needs to succeed, drawing from real experiences in the field.

Let’s dive in!

1. Active listening

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand, they listen with the intent to reply.

This quote from Stephen R. Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People resonates deeply with me.

When I look back at my early days, every time someone would come to me with a problem or story, I’d often catch myself thinking, “Oh, me too!” or “Let me tell you how I fixed that.”

The problem? The moment I shifted the focus to me, I stopped truly listening. I was just waiting for my turn to talk, not giving the other person the attention they deserved.

Learning to be a better listener has been one of my biggest personal growth areas. It’s not something that just happens - it takes intentional effort and practice. But like any skill, it can be improved with the right mindset and approach.

Here are my key strategies that will help you become a better listener:

Focus on the speaker

One of the simplest yet most powerful shifts is making the conversation about them, not you. To remind myself of this, I have a Post-it on my monitor that says, “This is not about me.”

When I started working remotely, I found distractions harder to manage. Now, I use:

• “Do Not Disturb” during calls

• switch to full-screen mode

• keep a notebook close to jot down thoughts that might pull me away from the conversation. Even when my mind drifts (which happens to all of us!), I’ve learned to gently bring my focus back.

Learn to stay silent

If you want to listen more you have to learn how to talk less!

Early in my career, I felt as a Tech Lead I needed to fill every silence or always have the final say. This stifled my team because they weren’t getting the space to share their ideas.

• Default to mute during meetings to avoid interrupting

To fix this, I started defaulting to mute during meetings. One time, I forgot I was muted and kept talking while the team carried on without me. I was surprised to see them handling the discussion just fine! That moment taught me to trust my team more and step back.

• Embrace awkward silences. Use the “count to 39” trick

Another trick that worked wonders: counting to 39 in my head during silences. If no one speaks by then (though someone almost always does), I step in. This simple strategy gave my team the chance to take ownership while breaking my habit of jumping in too quickly.

Reflect and get feedback

Reflection has been a game-changer. After key meetings, like 1-1s or feedback sessions, I set aside 15 minutes to reflect on questions like:

• How well did I listen (1-10)?

• Where did I drift off, and why?

• How often did I interrupt?

Feedback from others is equally important. I’ve learned a lot by asking questions like:

• “What’s one thing I could do to make you feel more heard?”

• “How effectively do you think I handle conversations when we disagree?”

Remember:

You aren’t born a great listener, you become one.

2. Building strong relationships

One of the biggest factors that contributed to my team’s high performance was the relationships we built: within the team, with stakeholders, and with clients.

Sure, it took time and energy to develop these relationships, but it was absolutely worth it as they made alignment easier, created a safe space for challenging ideas and sharing solutions, and ultimately drove great results.

At the core of these strong relationships is trust. Trust doesn’t just happen; it’s built intentionally through two key elements: constant communication and transparency.

Constant communication

• Regular check-ins

One of my first moves as a Tech Lead on a new team is to set up recurring 1-on-1 with each team member. Sure, frequency might adjust, or we might skip one occasionally, but the point is: they’re there. This gives the team the confidence that you’re invested and will continuously show up for them.

• Communicate progress continuously

Don’t just report on wins; keep stakeholders informed about blockers, challenges, and shifts in strategy.

• Avoid being a knowledge silo

If you’re the only one who knows something, it’s a problem. Proactively share information with your team and stakeholders to ensure everyone is aligned and informed.

Transparent communication

• Follow through

Trust starts with doing what you say you’ll do. If something changes, inform your team or stakeholders early so they can adapt.

• Provide balanced feedback

Another way to build trust is by giving both positive and constructive feedback. It takes courage to be open about areas for growth, but this balanced approach shows genuine investment in others' development.

Breaking the ice

A common challenge for Tech Leads in building relationships is breaking the ice. It can feel awkward at first, but here are some practical tips to help ease into conversations and create connections.

• Show appreciation and recognition

After a presentation, say, “I really liked your point about…”; being specific makes all the difference! Jot down one detail that resonates.

• Find common ground

Reach out to someone tackling a similar project and say, “I heard you’re working on... Mind sharing how you approached <x>?”

• Ask for help

A simple “I heard you’re the person to talk to about…” can open doors, even if they can’t directly help.

• Be clear from the start

Avoid “hello” with no context: knowing what they are getting themselves into increases the chance of people replying.

• Accept invitations

If someone invites you for coffee or a casual chat, join.

• Go out of your way to help

Respond to those Slack questions that go unanswered. Even tagging someone who might know shows you’re supportive, which others notice.

• Make people come to you (one of my favorites!)

Host a showcase, lead a meeting, or offer a Q&A session. It’s an easy way to start building connections without having to reach out yourself – you’re creating a space where they can approach you.

3. Giving and getting feedback

Feedback is one of the most powerful tools for growth, but many Tech Leads find it challenging. Here are some ground rules for giving effective feedback:

• Timely

Frequent feedback makes it easier. Don’t wait for formal reviews!

❌ Someone presents a wrong diagram → Don’t ignore it. Instead, schedule a private call soon to discuss.

✅ Someone nails a presentation → "Loved how you explained the diagram, clear and concise!"

• Specific

❌ “You’re always late.”

✅ “You were late to Standup this morning.”

• Clear

❌ “I think you might’ve said the wrong thing.”

✅ “In Standup, you said 3 services need integration, but it’s actually 2. That created confusion as we already communicated 2.”

• Honest

Don’t force compliments if you don’t have any. People can tell when feedback isn’t genuine.

• Continuous

Feedback isn’t a one-off. Follow up to check progress and show support.

Feedback challenges for Tech Leads

Tech Leads often face two main challenges when it comes to feedback:

1. I can’t get my team to give me constructive feedback

• Display vulnerability

  • “This is a topic where I know I have to improve…”. Do you have ideas on what I should start/stop doing to get better at this?”

• Ask specific questions

  • What is 1 thing I should improve at?

  • What is one thing you think I should be focusing on right now that I am not?

  • What is one thing I can do to better support you?

• More on this topic here: I cannot get my team to give me constructive feedback.

2. How to give constructive feedback without upsetting people?

Use the SBI model to structure feedback: describe the Situation, the observed Behavior, and its Impact.

This approach focuses on facts and personal statements (e.g., “I felt disappointed”), making feedback easier to give and receive without triggering defensiveness.

If you’re ready to strengthen your soft skills, my O’Reilly online course, Soft Skills for Tech Leads, dives deeper into these concepts and offers practical tools you can start using today.

Check it out

Last words

Special thanks to Gregor for collaborating with me to bring this article to life! Make sure to follow him on LinkedIn and check out his newsletter Engineering Leadership.

Gregor also has a cohort-based course where he focuses on developing the leadership skills essential for growing from an engineer into a successful leader. Check it our here: Senior Engineer to Lead: Grow and Thrive in the Role.

Until next time,

Anemari

What your team truly expects from you as a Tech Lead isn’t just technical expertise.

When I first stepped into the Tech Lead role, I thought my job was all about technical expertise: solving problems, making decisions, and delivering projects.

But I quickly realized that wasn’t enough.

What my team truly needed was direction - to know where we were going and how we’d get there. They needed support for growth - to take on new challenges and develop their skills. And they needed an example to follow - someone to set the tone for how we worked together.

These weren’t things I could provide by focusing solely on the code. I had to develop my soft skills, and here’s why they matter so much.

1️⃣ Clear Direction: helping your team navigate the path

Read more

Here are some examples: 

Two developers cannot agree on a technical solution

Two developers fighting for hours over what JSON parsing library to use: my first instinct, like most tech leads, was to dive into the technical options myself and pick the "best" solution. I definitely made this mistake early on. But over time, I learned to ask questions before jumping into action. By listening to both sides, I realized that, surprisingly, the conflict was not about the parsing library but actually these two people had a recurring underlying conflict between them so they could not agree on pretty much everything. So, instead of diving into the JSON libraries,  I helped them resolve their personal conflict.

The team is not addressing tech debt

The team wasn’t addressing tech debt: despite having the knowledge, the time, and the product buy-in to tackle it, nothing was progressing. The root issue wasn’t a lack of technical capability but the absence of someone willing to take ownership and drive the process forward. As a tech lead, you could easily step in and take charge, but that’s not sustainable long-term. The more effective solution is to enable and empower a senior team member to take on this responsibility and lead the initiative.

All these situations, along with countless others I’ve encountered or seen other tech leads face daily, have led me to the same conclusion:

And solving these people problems requires strong soft skills.

7 soft skills you need to develop as a Tech Lead

Especially these 7:

1. Listening: everything starts with listening more

2. Building relationships: building strong relationships will help you set the foundation for collaboration, alignment, and commitment

3. Feedback: is your best tool for growing your team members and yourself

4. Delegation: is the secret to effective leadership and team empowerment 

5. Facilitation: will help you bring all voices to the table and help your team reach decisions collaboratively

6. Conflict resolution: disagreements are not just inevitable but actually a sign of a healthy team: you just have to learn how to navigate them effectively 

7. Mentoring and Coaching: by making use if mentoring and coaching tools you can help your team grow without telling them what to do 

Soft Skills for Tech Leads O’Reilly course

In my O’Reilly online course, 'Soft Skills for Tech Leads', I explore these essential soft skills in-depth and provide hands-on, immediately applicable strategies to help you develop them.

Check it out

The timeless value of soft skills

Investing in your soft skills is always a wise decision. They never become outdated and are universally applicable. After all,

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More on this topic:

There are three main pathways that can lead you into a tech lead role.

Today I am focusing on 2. Taking over the Tech Lead role in another team.

How you end up in this scenario

One common way is: the Tech Lead of another team is leaving, and your manager asks you to step in because there’s no one else with the necessary skills. You agree.

Transitioning into the role

To make the transition smoother, jump in as soon as possible. The more overlap you have with the current Tech Lead, the better as you’ll be able to create a transition plan together ( like I did with my Tech Lead when I took over the Tech Lead role in my current team. You can read more about here ).

The downside of this approach

This pathway comes with extra challenges. Beyond just transitioning to Tech Lead, you also have to go through a full onboarding process with the new team. They’ve already established their own way of working, and as a new leader, you may face some friction as they adjust to you.

If overlap with the outgoing Tech Lead isn’t possible, focus on relationship-building first, rather than diving into the technical or product side. Forming a few allies early on can help you access the knowledge you need.

All this makes it a bit trickier than taking over a team you’re already familiar with, where you’d know the people, product, and technical solutions.

The benefits of this approach

The upside is you’re walking into a fresh start: new team, new people, new rules. This is a chance to define how you want to be seen as a leader right from the beginning.

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Wrap up

This is just one of the three most common paths toward becoming a Tech Lead.

The other two are:

“Ask 3 Tech Leads about their role and you might hear 3 different answers.

They all might be right.”

Working with Tech Leads from different companies, I noticed that the expectations on the Tech Lead role differ from company to company but there are a few key elements everyone agrees on:

This puts Tech Leads right at the intersection between people, tech and business.

The difference comes from what area Tech Leads focus more on.

Based on this, there are different types of Tech Leads:

“The Tech Lead is the most technical person in the team”

This is the most encountered path for becoming a Tech Lead: a software engineer that gets to have the most knowledge about the technologies and the system of the team gets promoted to the Tech Lead role.

I personally don’t like this strategy because it puts a lot of pressure on the Tech Lead: a person that was until now only focused on tech and individual contribution is put in a position of leading people and ensuring alignment and they are expected to do this transition seamlessly.

People need support in making this transition, if not they will continue focusing on what they feel more comfortable with: coding, and ignoring the rest.

“The Tech Lead does not code”

This is the opposite approach of the previous one. In this case, the Tech Lead focuses mainly on one or the other two aspects of the role: people and business. This might be because of a lack of enough technical skills or because of personal choice. 

Regardless of the reason, I believe the Tech Lead should always spend some time coding alongside the team. Losing touch with the “ground code” will make it harder and harder for them to help the team go in the right direction and identify improvements.

“The constantly adapting Tech Lead”

I think achieving balance between the three aspects of the Tech Lead role is impossible and that is why I like to look at it as this: The adapting Tech Lead is constantly aware of all the aspects of the role: people, tech and business and is constantly changing her focus from one to the other based on the needs of the team. This means that each area is getting taken care of but at different points in time.

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I deep dive into the topic part of my O’Reilly online course for Tech Leads. Check it out below :)

Go to Course

Until next time,

Ane

“I don’t want to upset anyone” 

Using your development budget isn’t just a right; it shows your commitment to growth. 

You’re not doing anyone a favor by letting it expire, just missing out on a growth opportunity. 

“I don’t know how to request it”

• check your company's documentation

• ask your manager about the process during your next 1-1

Very often it’s simpler than you think! 😉

“Not sure how to convince my manager to approve it”

Here’s how to make it as easy as possible for them to say "yes":

1. Be clear about the training you want: research the course and provide details - what it is, who offers it, and its relevance.

2. Explain the value: outline how this training will benefit not just you but also your manager and the team. Will it enhance your technical skills? Improve collaboration? Boost project efficiency?

3. Personal motivation: share why it matters to you personally. Perhaps it aligns with your growth goals or will help you step into a leadership role.

4. Cost transparency: provide the exact cost, so there are no surprises.

5. Impact on work: be upfront about when the training takes place and how it will affect your availability. Reassure them that it won’t negatively impact key deadlines or projects.

Make it hard for them to say no by being well-prepared and leaving no room for uncertainty.

Follow Up: If they don’t respond by the agreed time, follow up. Reiterate why this is important to you and how it will contribute to your work.

The less they have to think about it, the easier it is for them to say "yes.” 😉

“I don’t know what to spend it on”

Here are 19 simple ideas:

📚 Books 

• The Making Of A Manager - Julie Zhou 

• Managing Humans - Michael Lopp 

• The Manager's Path - Camille Fournier

• Talking with Tech Leads - Pat Kua  

💬 Tech Conferences & Events

💬 We are developers

▶️ Women in tech Global conference (remote)

▶️ Lead Dev

🧑‍🏫 Online Courses 

▶️ O‘Reilly platform courses

Check out Soft Skills for Tech Leads course

▶️ Time Management for Technical Leaders

👥 Coaching 

Coaching can help you: 

• Manage your time efficiently between team, tech and business

• Delegate tasks

• Build confidence as a Tech Lead

• Dealing with conflict

• Provide constructive feedback

• Manage your stakeholders

• Get to the next level in your career

I have one spot left for a client and I am giving a 30% discount until the end of Nov. 

If you’re interested, just reply to this email, and I’ll send you all the details 😉

📰 Newsletters written by techies

Here are some but the list is endless:

The Caring Techie Newsletter

Most people know the potential they carry, but few reach it. This newsletter teaches you how. Lessons from my experience at Google, Uber, and startups.

By Irina Stanescu

Engineering Leadership

Weekly newsletter for becoming a great engineering leader.

By Gregor Ojstersek

The T-Shaped Dev

Practical tips helping you become a better software engineer. JavaScript, React, Node.js, Software Design, Architecture, and Career.

By Petar Ivanov

Level Up Software Engineering 🚀

Every other Wednesday, join 30,000+ engineers learning how to level up in their career. Everything you need to grow to senior engineer, tech lead and beyond.

By Caleb Mellas

Techlead Mentor

Being a tech lead is a lot about behaviors. I learned a lot through trial and error and want to share actionable tips with you to master these behaviors.

By Raviraj Achar

Tech Unfiltered

All things Agile, DevOps and Software Engineering

By Jade Wilson

Craft Better Software

Master Test-Driven Development (TDD) and Extreme Programming (XP)

By Daniel Moka

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Let’s make sure you use that budget before it’s too late!

Why I created this course 

As a former Tech Lead myself in Thoughtworks and after training over 300 tech leads in building high performing teams, one thing that I noticed is that their day-to-day struggles are more related to people than tech: managing conflicts, aligning teams and stakeholders, and helping individuals grow. So, in order for you as a Tech Lead to tackle these challenges, you don’t need more technical skills but better soft skills.

That’s why I created this course: to help you master the 7 essential soft skills every successful Tech Lead needs, with practical, hands-on strategies you can apply immediately.

So excited to partner up with O’Reilly on this one 😊

Go to course

Who is it for

This course is for you if:

• You are a Tech Lead seeking to be a more effective in your new role as you learn to lead and influence others

• You're considering a Tech Lead role and want to begin developing the essential soft skills to make you competitive and ready to succeed. 

What you will learn

In just 85 minutes you will learn: 

• Why you need soft skills as a Tech Lead

• The 7 essential soft skills you need to develop as a Tech Lead

Go to course

*Plus, with O’Reilly’s 10-day free trial, there’s no reason not to dive in 😉

Let me know what you think! 😊

How you end up in this scenario

When my current Tech Lead announced he was rolling off the project, I immediately offered to take over. It felt like a natural progression for me, given my experience and preparation. The leadership team agreed to my request, but with one condition: a thorough transition process to ensure success.

Creating a Transition Plan

Together with my current Tech Lead, we crafted a plan that allowed me to step into the role gradually. I initially took on the position of secondary Tech Lead, allowing me to get a feel for the responsibilities while still having support. Here’s what the transition looked like:

• Established a two-month transition timeline - the moment when my Tech Lead rolled off the project. 

• Began attending meetings with stakeholders and other teams, initially shadowing my Tech Lead, but eventually taking over the meetings independently.

• Held weekly handover sessions to gain insight into the tasks my Tech Lead was managing behind the scenes, as well as the status of upcoming team initiatives that I was not aware of

• Gradually facilitated more decision-making conversations within the team under my Tech Lead's supervision, followed by feedback sessions to get input on what can be improved 

• I took over difficult conversations with the client, with my Tech Lead stepping in only when needed.

• I took over the tough conversations with internal stakeholders: providing progress updates and addressing possible issues, with my Tech Lead available for backup if necessary.

What I would do differently 

The only thing I missed, and would have done differently, was setting some clear expectations with leadership about how my team would be informed about the transition.

What I wish had happened:

Including in the plan a clear communication from my Tech Lead or someone in the leadership team to the team about the transition, explaining that I would be taking over the role, when it would happen, and outlining the plan for the transition.

What happened: 

No one asked so no one answered.

There was no official communication from the leadership team to my team on me taking over the role - just to the stakeholders.

I assumed the team knew as I was getting less involved in daily team activities and focusing more on the handover plan.

I focused on the plan. My Tech Lead left. I took over. 

Team members were confused on why I was leading certain conversations, attending specific meetings, and setting up 1-1s.

They felt like I was overstepping. 

I was struggling and doubting myself because I wasn’t getting their support.

Until, during a 1-1, someone said: “So, you’re the Tech Lead now? I assumed so, but since there was no official communication...”

That’s when I realized the problem and I took action: I asked the leadership team to schedule a meeting with my team and make it official. 

They did, apologized for the confusion, and everything moved forward smoothly.

I hope you make sure to include this essential step in your handover process.

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The benefits of this approach

The benefits of this approach are: the transition process into the role becomes smoother since you’re already familiar with the team, the technology, and the product and you have your current tech lead by your side to guide your first steps.

The downside of this approach

The main downside of this approach is that your team members already know you as a fellow developer, and it can take time for them to start seeing you as a leader. I experienced this myself: because they knew me so well, it took longer for them to trust me in a leadership role. People became more hesitant to share everything with me, and at times, my authority wasn’t taken as seriously. However, these issues can be managed by setting clear expectations with the team and addressing any concerns early through honest conversations. 

Wrap up

Despite its challenges, this remains one of the smoothest ways to step into the Tech Lead role.

But this is just one of the three paths toward becoming a Tech Lead.

The other two are:

Until next time,

Ane

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Early in my career, I realized I wanted to become a Tech Lead - though, at the time, my understanding of the role was limited. What motivated me most was the impact we could have as a team rather than individual contributions.

While the engineers around me were diving deep into the latest technologies and tackling more complex technical challenges, I found myself questioning the value of the work we were doing. I was drawn to solving team-related problems and taking the initiative to move things forward. When the Scrum Master left the team, I stepped into the role, initially just to have more influence. While others were focused on building new features, I was busy documenting the existing ones.

“To become a Tech lead you need 10 more years of experience”

So I had a conversation with my manager: 

👩‍💻 I want to be a tech lead. What do I need?

🙎‍♂️ 10 more years of experience

👩‍💻 What skills do I need to develop to get there?

🙎‍♂️ More experience

👩‍💻 How do I get that experience?

🤷‍♂️ You wait.

Moved countries to pursue my goal

When I heard that, I knew that wasn’t the path for me. That night, I applied to my dream company. Within weeks, I had packed my bags, left my comfort zone, moved to Spain and started working as a Software Consultant in ThoughtWorks. 

Growing fast into Senior Consultant

I quickly realized that staying comfortable would only slow me down. I actively looked for opportunities to mentor and coach others, both inside and outside the company. Whether it was guiding junior developers, speaking at conferences, or engaging with underrepresented communities in tech, I was always pushing myself to grow, while helping others do the same.

“I want to become a Tech Lead”

During my interviews at ThoughtWorks, I was transparent about my ambitions to become a Tech Lead. To my surprise, they didn’t just support me but they created a growth plan for me:

• Worked closely with my Tech Lead to build key leadership skills

• Took on increasing responsibilities within the team

• Attended every leadership training they made available to me

• Actively sought feedback from team members, managers, and clients to ensure I was growing in the right direction

“I can do this”

When my current Tech Lead announced he was rolling off the project, I immediately offered to step in. It felt like the natural next step for both me and my team because:

• I was already preparing for jumping in a leadership role for a while: I took part in multiple leadership trainings, I was taking more and more responsibilities in my current team and outside of the team that required leadership skills: leading big initiatives that involved direct and constant interaction with the clients, growing other people in the company, being more and more visible inside and outside the company by presenting in different events.

• Having been in the team for nearly two years, making me the person with the longest longevity in the team - so I had the most context on our products and technical solutions.

• I was the most excited candidate and felt confident I could take on the role.

It wasn’t just me who felt this way. The leadership team agreed to let me take over, with one condition: ensuring a thorough transition. 

There were months of preparation ahead, but I will share more on that next week 🙂.

Every Tech Lead journey is unique, and I’m always inspired by the stories of others. I’d love to hear about your experience! 😊

If you’re open to sharing, just drop me an email at anemarifiser@gmail.com.

Until next time,

Ane

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Meetings often feel like the bane of a software engineer's existence. They can be disruptive and often seem like a waste of time.

But here's the thing: we can't escape meetings. Not all meetings can be replaced with Slack messages or emails.

In today’s article, we’re giving practical tips on making meetings more bearable by tackling the most common issues. We’ll cover:

• Who we are and why this is important

• Why not all meetings could’ve been emails

• 🔐 The most common issues with meetings and how to solve them (preview only)

Who are we and why is this important?

We’re Irina and Anemari, and we decided to co-write this article based on a LinkedIn live event we hosted a few months ago on the same topic.

As Tech Leads, we’ve had many chats about how to make people more connected and collaborative, even when meetings are so disliked. They are a necessary evil.

All the advice in this article comes from our more than 17 years of combined tech leadership experience at companies like Google, Uber, and Thoughtworks.

Irina:

Hi! I’m Irina Stanescu, a Tech Lead Manager and Staff Engineer turned Leadership Coach and writer of The Caring Techie Newsletter. Prior to this, I’ve led large projects for Big Tech companies (such as Google, and Uber), and startups. For the past year, I’ve been focusing on helping engineers and leaders through my 1-1 coaching, my “Impact through Influence” course, as well as writing content.

Anemari:

And I’m Anemari Fiser, a Tech Lead and Engineering Manager turned Career Coach in tech and Tech Lead trainer. In the past 3 years, I have helped over 500 people launch and advance to leadership positions and trained close to 200 Tech Leads in building high-performing teams. I share all my learnings on tech leadership on LinkedIn and in Level Up as a Tech Lead newsletter.

Throughout the article, you’ll see us switching between Irina talking and Anemari talking. We hope you enjoy this article as much as we enjoyed chatting live about this topic during our LinkedIn live event (link to it at the bottom of this article).

Not all meetings could’ve been an email

Software engineering is a team sport. We need to all pull in the same direction, hence we need to get on the same page as a team and with our leaders. Making decisions together is crucial.

Async communication—like emails and messages— doesn't always work. Different people and personalities can make it hard to get on the same page in writing. It's challenging to understand the tone and context, and it can lead to misunderstandings.

We can't always anticipate the objections that might come up. This is where sync communication shines. When we need to address concerns or make decisions, talking in real time is faster and more effective. We can discuss, clarify, and resolve issues on the spot.

Making this process easier for your team is a great way to increase your impact and help with your career advancement.

How to solve the 8 most common issues with meetings

So what are the most common pitfalls when it comes to meetings?

• No clear goal

• Meetings that keep derailing

• Dominating personalities taking over the whole conversation

• I keep being interrupted by others

• Meetings taking too long

• Meetings feeling “dead”

• Meetings ending with no clear outcome

• Meetings that turn into fights

Let’s take them one by one.

Issue #1: Meetings with no clear goal

Why is this a problem?

Meetings that have no clear goal feel like the biggest waste of time. 

Without a clear goal, meetings can feel pointless. You end up chatting about random stuff without getting anything done.

As engineers, we often think of all the “real work” we could’ve done during this time.

How to fix it

Before a meeting, each attendee should know:

• What the meeting is about.

• What we're trying to accomplish.

• What their role is.

Anemari: 

To make sure the goal of the meeting is clear, there are a few things the meeting organizer needs to ensure when sending a meeting calendar invite:

▶ Name your meetings clearly

Be specific about what you want to accomplish by the end of the meeting.

❌ Talk about <topic>

✅ Define delivery strategy for <topic>

▶  Add a short description to your meeting invite 

Provide the necessary context meeting guests need to be aware of before joining the meeting.

❌ <empty description>

✅ Meeting goal: Define delivery strategy for <topic>

Here you can find previous conversations on the <topic>: <link to document>

Also, here you can find the draft plan we will be working on: <link to document>

▶ Start the meeting by stating the goal

Start the meeting by reiterating the goal of the meeting and the agenda.

❌ “Let’s jump right into it”

✅ Thank you for joining! The reason I scheduled this meeting is to review the delivery plan and ensure that everyone is aligned with the steps we will take in this process and the timelines we commit to.

Irina:

To add to Anemari’s point, If the meeting title or description is missing, feel empowered to ask for it in advance. If it's not clear to you, it's probably not clear to others either.

Issue #2: Meetings that keep derailing

Why is this a problem?

When meetings go off track, it's tough to stay focused. You waste time on unrelated topics and miss out on important discussions. Also, you don’t accomplish the purpose of the meeting, often needing a follow-up.

How to fix it

Read more

I write this newsletter from my favourite coffee shop in Barcelona. 

Leaving my normal space and working from here makes me relax and clear out my head. 

Starting this week, I’m introducing a paid version of the newsletter. 

In addition to the free content, you’ll also get:

▶️ Exclusive article every month 

▶️ Opportunity to have monthly 1-1 coaching sessions through a random draw

▶️ Early access to resources and tools built specifically for Tech Leads

▶️ Full access to the archive of posts

All for the cost of a ☕

The subscription to the Level up as a Tech Lead newsletter cost €5 per month or €45 per year.

Subscribe now

Thank you for your support 😊

I have been relying on these strategies for more than 3 years now in my career. They got me job offers for roles as Engineering Manager/Director for startups without even applying, interviews without a CV, and constant workflow/opportunities as a freelancer without chasing them.

If you prefer listening to these tips, I had a whole conversation on the topicwith Lauren McGoodwin, Brand & Content Marketing @ Atlassian part of Career Contessa Podcast.

Listen episode

First: Build a strong network

Networking does not mean meeting people randomly and hoping for something to happen.

It's not enough to just be there.

Networking requires effort. It means going the extra mile for people and being intentional about building relationships: who, when, and what to talk about.

The best place to start? Your current context / company

Get out of the bubble: go outside the circle of people you usually interact with:

• Take ownership of an initiative that requires discussing and aligning with other teams and other stakeholders

• Use opportunities like events, conferences, demos, parties, and remote coffee chats to meet people outside of your reach in the day-to-day work

• A stakeholder is offering time to chat? - take it (most people don’t 😉 )

Second best place to start? Anywhere else

→ Events:

Don’t just be there and wait for the magic to happen!

Whenever I go to an event, I have one goal: talk to at least 3 new people. After that, I can enjoy the 🍕.

Even if I go to the event with a friend, I tell them about my goal so I am not worried about leaving them alone.

Do your research on people!

Before every event, I think: WHO do I want to talk to?

Sometimes, I go to an event just because I want to meet a particular person – that’s it.

WHAT:

What can I find out about them online that I can use when reaching out?

TIP: usually, the speakers are the easiest people to approach. You already have a common topic: their talk - so tell them what you liked about it, something particular that stood out to you that you relate to (I usually write one thing down from each talk in my notes that I can use after).

TIP: That is why I also prefer to be a Speaker - makes networking so easy - people just reach out to me 😃

Keep notes

Don’t just rely on your brain to remember everyone! That is a big responsibility! Help yourself!

I have a list for every person I talk to: where we met and when, what their current role is and what company they work for, our common topics, and possible ways of working together.

→ Get out of your comfort zone and just reach out to people

I am always surprised by how willing people are to help when you are specific about your needs and make it easy for them to help you, even if you randomly connect with them at an event.

→ Communities

Being part of tech communities that support underrepresented groups in tech was a key amplifier of my visibility in tech and advancing my career.

How many should you join? In this case, less is more. When choosing a community, the key is to have a focus.

Check out a couple of them and find the one that fits you the most, maybe because you already know someone in there or you just like the vibe.

Then, invest in that community and make the most of it: organize events, mentor others, ask for help, and build meaningful relationships.

→ Your current network might be stronger than you think

I know a lot of people who got jobs in tech from friends who were not even in tech. So, if you are looking for a job, make it visible: tell people around (family, friends) where you are, what you are looking for, and how they can help if they want to.

→ Mentor someone or get a mentor

Great, simple, underestimated strategy to get to people.

You have someone you admire and you want to build a relationship with? Reach out to them to be your mentor.

You might be surprised on how many people say yes if you just ask 😉

Also, make yourself available to others. 

Just as you have other people that you admire, you might be happily surprised to see how others appreciate your experience and want your advice.

Connect other two people and get out of the way

You cannot take on more coaching clients? → recommended another coach 

You know two people that can benefit from knowing each other as they have common interests → just add them in a common thread on LinkedIn and let them take it from there

You don’t need to be part of the conversation to be “present“.

People will always remember who introduce them to someone 😉

Second: Build a personal brand

Inside and outside your work - you are more than your company 😉

Inside work:

• Do that demo that no one wants to do

• Facilitate a meeting

• Use every opportunity to make your work visible: to your manager (1-1s are a great place to do that), your team, other teams

• Build documentation - a great way to leave a trace

• Prioritize high-impact projects and tasks that expand your visibility outside of your team

Outside of work

We all have things to talk/write about – those things that you think everyone knows, they don’t!

There is always someone in front of you but also someone behind that can learn from you 🙂

So, share:

• Find a topic: what is something that you find yourself always talking about?

• Experiment with what works best for you for sharing knowledge: random writing (LinkedIn), blogging (Substack, Medium), video content (YouTube), conference speaker, a mix of these.

• Start sharing: build a routine to share - focus on building the habit

• And now: patience, the results will come 🙂

• The secret: define a long-term goal and then forget about it -> focus on actions, and daily habits that will take you there

Plus points:

• Your self-confidence grows, This process forces you to reflect on your progress and challenges – things you don’t get much time to do in the day-to-day

• You also grow in the process - you don’t really know something until you can explain it to someone else

Third: Keep on growing

The two strategies I mentioned before get you in the door (which is one of the hardest things I see people struggling with these days on the tech job market as there are so many people on the market).

You still have to prove your value once you are in the conversations, so:

→ Keep testing your value on the market

From time to time, do an interview just to test your value on the market. Even if you are not going to change jobs, this can help you:

• Boost your self-confidence by showing you there are options out there and you might be more relevant than you think.

• Target your learning. The interview process can help you identify gaps in your knowledge that you can address in your current role by being more intentional in choosing your tasks, which will prepare you if you need to change jobs.

• Build your network. Keep track of all the people involved in the interview process - their roles, what interviews you have done. Anything particular about those people that you can use to connect in the future?

• Think future-wise. Regardless of how far you get in the interview process, even if you refuse the offer, leave the door open. Mention that you are not ready for a change now but maybe in the future, so you can reach out to the recruiter/people when you need to. There is a high chance that they will just hire you or invite you directly to the interview, as trust has already been built.

→ Keep a Brag & a Challenges list

Track your work and the impact (who you impacted, how, and any numbers you can get to illustrate the impact).

Looking for a job process can get easily overwhelming. These lists are going to come in handy to boost your self-confidence and for interview preparation, if you need to be looking for another job.

→ Treat each performance review like a job interview

Use each performance review as an opportunity to practice interview skills - talking about your work and accomplishments as if the person in front of you doesn’t know you.

In conclusion, the most reliable form of job security in the tech industry isn't simply maintaining your current position - it's having the skills and network to confidently secure your next opportunity.

Through the strategies I've shared, drawn from both personal experience and the successes of those I've coached, you can see how enhancing your visibility and network can prepare you for future career moves and develop a proactive mindset in managing your career trajectory.

So, take a moment today to reflect on your career goals and the network you're building

• Are you making yourself visible in the right circles?

• Are you reaching out and making meaningful connections?

Start now by taking one small step toward enhancing your professional presence. This isn't just preparation for the future, it's an investment in a thriving career in tech.

Your future self will thank you for taking these steps now 😉

How I describe self-confidence

“I can chase any goal I am willing to put the effort in.

I know my strengths and my shortcomings and I am willing to put the required effort and consistency to get there. 

There will be some bumps on the road but I will learn from them and move on …

and I will always keep my eyes open for other paths that might open in my way”

💪 Discover your strengths 

We all have things we are good at by default.

If you always feel behind and overwhelmed by the amount of things you need to learn and improve constantly, reiterating on your strengths can make a huge difference.

You can easily do it by taking this test: 16personalities (FREE)

Here a couple more tests that can help with getting clarity on your strengths and weaknesses: 

• Find out your work style (FREE)

• 9 Ways We Self Sabotage (FREE)

• The Rebel Test (FREE)

• Strengths (FREE)

• CliftonStrengths 34 (PAID)

🎯 Discover your weakness 

The previous tests also bring up your weakness in different contexts.

Acknowledging your weakness and how they affect you and your work in different contexts will allow you to make peace with them and reduce the chance of acting defensive when people bring it up.

Once you own your weakness, no one can hold it against you!

Take Responsibility for your Success: 

Instead of attributing your career growth to luck, take responsibility for it.

Reframe “It just happened to me” towards thinking about what you did to make this happen:

➡ What are your strengths and how have they contributed to your growth?

➡ What decisions along the way got you to where you are?

➡ What attitude helped you grow?

📜 Keep a Brag List

Being constantly focused on improvement and always looking to the next step / level, we tend to forget how we got here and the skills we developed along the way.

1. Get a paper and a pen (or online note) and name it “My brag list”

2. Save 5 min at the end of each week for reflection

3. Add 1 thing you are proud of at the end of every week (can be finishing a project, learning something new, overcoming a challenge, solving a problem, ...)

PS: this will be also an invaluable resource for your next Performance Review  😉

🫙 🍭 🍬Visualise your accomplishments

My favourite way is by creating a jar of your accomplishments.

Here's how:

1. Get a jar on your desk (preferably see-through) 

2. Get post-its (preferably multiple colours) 

3. Every time you accomplish something that you are proud of (no matter how big or small) write it on a post-it and put it in the jar 

4. Review the post-its when you are feeling down 🙂

🥳 Celebrate

Create a small ritual for you to celebrate your accomplishments for the week.

For me is having a good ☕ all by myself at my favourite coffee shop while reading a thriller book at the end of each week.

What is yours going to be? 😊

👍 Ask for positive feedback 

Usually feedback focuses on things to improve. 

But you can use it in boosting your self confidence by simply:

Ask 3 people you have worked with recently: “What is one thing I should continue doing?”

😠 Practice self care

You cannot believe in yourself when you're tired!

So practise excellent self-care: enough sleep, relax time, exercise.

😞 Address the things that bring you down daily

There are things that bring your confidence down and it’s not the big things.

It’s the repeated smallest actions that have the biggest impact on our confidence:

▶️ Behaviour: Saying sorry to much ( even when it’s not your fault )  

Approach: Go one day without saying sorry 

▶️ Behaviour: Saying YES to everything they throw at you 

Approach: Say one NO (or ask for some time to think about it even if you will say YES in the end)

▶️ Behaviour: Using words like “I a not sure”, “I think”, “I might be wrong” too often

Approach: Replace them with: “Based on my experience …”, “My proposal is …”

▶️ Behaviour: someone you work with daily is misspelling your name in every single email (speaking from experience 😅)

Approach: correct them

▶️ Behaviour: hiding a mistake

Approach: addmit it and deal with it

▶️ Behaviour: Comparing yourself with where others are

Approach: Compare yourself with where you started and track YOUR progress

🫂 Create your support network 

People that you can complain to and that can cheer you up: friends, family, mentors, coaches.

▶️ Prepare your Elevator Pitch  

The way you introduce yourself and tell your story will have a huge impact on how you see yourself (and people around).

The Elevator Pitch it’s a brief, 30 – 50 seconds pitch (or speech) that gets attention and makes the other person genuinely interested in you. 

Work on it once and you can use it always: event networking, in an interview, when joining a new team, …

Here is the process:

1. Write down the answer to these 3 questions:

• Who Are You And What Do You Do?

• TIP: Always repeat your name! - just to make sure people get it right

• What is your story? How did you get into tech and why? 

  • You can use a timeline or an enumeration of your roles/experience

• What do you want?

  • Adapt this to the context

2. Read it out loud and time it

• More than 30 seconds? => Check for redundant information / Anything you don’t need?

• Less than 30 seconds? => Go back to the questions? 

• Around 30 seconds? => go to the next step

3. Practice 

🎯 Focus on finishing things

FINISH 1 thing instead of STARTING 3!

Steps:

1. Pick one task

2. Clear screen: tabs, apps not related to this task 

3. Put phone away

4. Finish the task

5. Celebrate you’ve done it! (I don’t mean a party, maybe just a break)

6. Pick another task and repeat steps

🚀 3 quick ways to boost your self confidence

Before an important conversation, a presentation or an interview.

1️⃣ Stand in Super human position 🦹‍♀️

• close your eyes

• imagine yourself powerful, confident

• What would you say? do?

• how would you act

• stay there for 5 minutes

2️⃣ Listen to your favourite boost confidence song 🎶

• You can find one in my Confidence kick playlist 🎶

3️⃣ Wear your favourite shirt 👕

⭐ EXTRA: Help you future self

Write a letter to your future self on a random date mentioning an acomplishment you are proud of (and maybe throw in some supporting words 🙂)

Before we get into it I wanted to introduce my fellow writer , who was one of 8 engineers at a hyper-growth startup that was acquired for $187,000,000 🤯. He is a former Tech Lead, and now freshly minted Engineering Manager at Olo, Inc.

Similarly to me, Caleb shares daily insights on leveling up in your software engineering career on LinkedIn and is the author of the Level up software engineering 🚀 newsletter that deep dives into software engineering, growing in your career, and developing your leadership/soft-skills topics.

Today we are putting together our combined 20 years of experience in tech and sharing with you the strategies that helped us to grow fast in this industry.

"Level up your tech career" Event

1. Focus on people

Seniority in software engineering is about impact.

Growing as a Senior+ software engineer is not about coding more… It's about having more impact.

The more senior of an engineer you become, the more complex problems you will have to solve. 

And these problems aren’t always just more technically complex – they even begin to affect more people, team members, clients, other teams, stakeholders, etc.

One of the best ways to tackle these problems, and expand your impact is to develop your people skills.

Here are 5 people skills you need to develop as a tech person:

Collaboration

Being a solo dev hero-coder is only going to take you so far.

The real magic happens when you realize you can achieve more by collaborating with others. You truly are better together. So lean into collaboration with your team, customer support, other departments… 

You’ll be amazed at how much you can accomplish.

Vulnerability

Caleb here 👋

Oof, this one is hard. Especially as a Senior engineer or Tech Lead.

We can often think we’ll lose the respect of others if we admit we don’t have it all figured out, or made a mistake that turned out poorly.

In reality, if I think back to when leaders in my life have been vulnerable… That's actually when I respected them the most. These are the times they owned up to their mistake and worked hard to make it right.

Don’t hide your mistakes. Admit them. Ask for help.

You’ll learn faster, solve hard problems faster and take others on the journey with you.

This is a win/win for everyone 😉

Growing others

You are going to reach a point in your tech skills, where becoming a better coder only has minimal impact.

Sure, maybe you are 5% better at coding, but it’s not really bringing much impact to your team, and the business – which is what really matters at more senior levels.

What really moves the needle is becoming a force-multiplier.

One massive way to do that is by starting to coach and support others in their growth.

By focusing on sharing with and teaching others what you already know, you will cement your existing knowledge, gain self-confidence, and grow others and yourself in the process.

Hint: this is far more valuable than learning the next programming language or hot framework

Remember: you don’t really know something until you can explain it to someone else 😉

Listening

Ane here 👋

Listening seems simple… 

We do it all the time in those endless meetings, right?! Sort of, yes.

There’s actually a different kind of listening though that really helps you level up.

It’s called active (real) listening.

Active listening is a skill that requires patience and effort to develop but also has endless benefits. It allows you to build deeper relationships, connect with others faster, and speed up your learning process.

Here are some ideas on how to improve your listening: 

➡️ Turn off distractions

When you are in a conversation, bring your whole attention to it. Mute your notifications, minimize distractions, and if something urgent comes up, acknowledge it, and deal with it quickly so you can fully reengage. 

➡️ Get comfortable with silence

This is a hard one, but it’s something you can practice. Practicing silence gives the other person permission to share their thoughts without you jumping in to correct or explain. After they speak, thank them for sharing, and take a pause.

➡️ Reflect back to others

Reflecting back goes with silence. After someone shares, thank them for sharing, explain back what you heard them say and ask some clarifying questions. This helps minimize miscommunications and make others feel heard and valued.

Working with feedback

Feedback is the best tool we have for growth these days. 

Is it hard to receive? Yes. 

Is it an amazing gift at the same time? Also yes.

Work hard to develop a healthy culture of feedback, it will help you level up massively over the years. This includes receiving feedback, giving feedback, acting on feedback, and reinforcing feedback.

You can find strategies to develop your feedback skills here: 

• How to ask for useful feedback

• Give the gift of life-changing feedback

➡ You can find more details on these topics in Caleb’s article: https://levelupsoftwareengineering.substack.com/p/whats-next-after-java-and-react 

2. Make your work visible 🔎

You don’t need more coding skills to level up your tech career! What you need is to make your current skills more visible!

These days it’s not enough to do the work. 

You need to do work that makes a real impact, and surface that impact / wins to others!

And talking about your wins can be uncomfortable for many of us because it may feel like bragging.

But the reality is, if you do really good work, people will be stoked to hear about it!

It’s impossible for engineering / business leaders to keep track of everything you are doing, so do yourself a favor and share your impact and wins with others!

Make it visible.

Showing the work and the impact of that work is key to getting to the next level.

Once you start looking for opportunities to showcase your work, you will realize that there are lots of opportunities you can take advantage of. Conversations with your team members, showcases, performance reviews, demos, slack, standups, 1-1 with your manager, the internet, etc. 

Here are some tips to be really intentional about it:

• Keep a list of daily accomplishments. Start your brag doc!

• Quantify your impact in terms others can understand. 

  • Who did you help? 

  • What was the impact of that work? Use the language of product or business folks.

• Talk about progress not just results. Every little step is a win.

• Share what you do with others. Let them celebrate with you!

3. Ask for forgiveness not for permission 

Ane here 👋

Having a bias for action, and asking for forgiveness, rather than permission seems risky. But with big risks come big rewards – and I was willing to take those risks in my career.

Here are a few examples:

➡ Create a clear process when there is none

❌ Wait for others to create a process and give me direction 

✅ Create a process to solve my problem and take action on it. Be ready to say sorry if I am overstepping.

➡ Test limits instead of playing it safe

❌ "Don’t touch this piece of code - we don’t know what it does but someone is using it" 

✅ Add logs to the code -> monitor -> delete the piece of code -> see who complains -> say sorry -> now we know what this is used for and who to talk to about it.

➡ Make a decision when people can’t decide on a direction

❌"Let’s talk some more" 

✅ "Let’s do this: <strategy>" - while being ready to be challenged on it.

! Funny enough, in practice this got us much closer to a decision even if it was the opposite decision than the one I proposed.

Reading all these examples, you might think people would be pissed at me. The reality was quite different. People were actually relieved that someone else was stepping up, and taking care/responsibility for these things. This strategy proved my resilience, courage and proactiveness. 

In my own career, this strategy helped me develop as a leader, grow my visibility and recognition, and find new growth opportunities.

4. STOP just giving status updates to your manager! 🛑

Despite common belief, your manager is not there just so you give them your status. 

They are there to support you. (Hint: it’s part of their job description 😉). 

In fact, using your 1:1 weekly meetings to just talk about project status updates will really hurt your long term growth.

I know it sometimes feels productive, and it’s easier than talking about promotion stuff, or asking for feedback – but really, talking only about projects every week is not helping you.

Here are some ways to utilize use your manager, and help them help you:

• Tell them your aspirations/goals instead of waiting for them to ask.

• Ask for opportunities in areas you want to grow your skills in.

• Ask for advice on how to develop your people skills.

• Get your questions answered: ask for information.

• Ask for specific feedback on something you said.

• Ask for support in a difficult situation.

• Ask for their opinions. 

These ideas will hopefully get you to a place where, instead of dreading the conversations with your managers, you can look forward to them!

Invest in the relationship with your manager, it will pay off massively. 🚀 

🎥 Level up you tech career conversation

If you want to dive deeper, check out our full discussion on LinkedIn: Watch the full conversation here.

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